Table of Contents

INTRODUCTION

PART I

WHAT IT WAS LIKE: FROM DESOLATION TO HAPPILY EVER AFTER

ANGIE’S STORY
Looking for love in all the wrong places until my real Prince Charming arrived
2. STEVE’S STORY
From hurting to helping to healing
3. REFLECTIONS FOR THE TERMINALLY SINGLE
Affirmations for identifying desired qualities in a mate
4. FROM SEEKING THE RIGHT PERSON TO BECOMING THE RIGHT PERSON From self-centeredness to centered selfness
5. RELATIONSHIP WISH LIST
Daring to dream: visioning qualities you want in a relationship
6. DO YOU WANT A LIFE PARTNER?
Daring to hope it is possible
7. OVERCOMING FEAR
Two wolves which will you feed?
8. INFATUATION OR INTIMACY
A bird may love a fish, but where would they live? Reflections on areas of compatibility
9. MY MAGIC, MAGNIFYING MIND
What I like about you
10. CONFUSION OF NEEDS AND THE THREE CIRCLES OF SELF-AWARENESS Honestly facing and discussing must haves and deal breakers
11. THERE ARE NO RULES
Baby steps from self-reliance to partnership
12. SPIRITUAL, PROSPEROUS, AND FUN
Happy, joyous, and free not glum
13. THE WHOLE PACKAGE
Acceptance and commitment
14. MORE ABOUT GOD’S WILL
Turning our will and lives over, together

PART II

REALITY BITES: LIVING TOGETHER = POURING MIRACLE GROW ON CHARACTER DEFECTS

1. RESTLESS, IRRITABLE, AND DISCONTENT
Recognizing and owning our own moods and negative tendencies
2. HOW GOOD CAN YOU STAND IT?
Navigating away from the trap of self-sabotage
3. HUMILITY
For better or for worse, but not for lunch?
4. THAR SHE BLOWS
Surviving conflict
5. SPACE VS. TOGETHERNESS
More about humility
6. STILL FLAWED AFTER ALL THESE YEARS
Driving each other crazy (who, us, character defects?)
Baby will you drive my car?
7. AMENDS
Agreement, integrity, and trust
Personal inventory, more about the magic of admitting you are wrong
Would I rather be right or happy? How important is it, really?
8. FINANCES
Our common welfare
Money, property, besiege
9. WHEN PRINCE CHARMING SCREWS UP
We don’t leave no matter what
10. DARK NIGHT OF THE SOUL AND THE FOUR R’s OF RELATIONSHIP

PART III

POSITIVE ACTION: NURTURING THE GARDEN

1. COMMUNICATION
What I heard you say is . . .
On a scale of one to ten
What we hold sacred: Five Languages of Love
2. INTIMACY BUILDERS
Four gateways to intimacy (weekly relationship inventory meeting)
Sharing
Listening
Ten questions game
3. REINFORCING THE POSITIVE
Marriage journal, cherishing the good times
A retreat? No, it’s an advance!
Building and honoring the container
Vitamin G, the gratitude list
Attitude power
4. INSPIRATIONS FROM STEVE’S CLINICAL PRACTICE
Spiritual connection vs. emotional dependency
5. TRADITIONS AND NEW RENDITIONS
6. POWER OF PRAYER AND MEDITATION
Moving it from an individual practice into the relationship

PART IV

KEEPING THE I IN MARRIAGE: PRACTICING SELF-CARE (WHEN FOR ME = FOR US)

1. BACKGROUND
Overview
Spiritual principles of the Twelve Steps
Stages of change
What do you mean by spiritual path?
A clique vs. a community vs. a cult
2. WORKING OUR OWN PROGRAM
It starts with trust. . .
Relying on a higher power, insecurity vs. faith
Sponsorship and passing it on
What I get from helping others
3. HONESTY/AUTHENTICITY
Fake it till you make it or To thine own self be true?
On being real
Grief vs. self-pity
What support looks like to me
The hero’s journey of recovery

PART V

PASSING IT ON AS A COUPLE

1. THEY STOOD AT THE TURNING POINT
Inspiration from other couples
Knowing when to quit
2. COUPLES COMMUNITY
No power, no music
Couples meetings
3. SUMMARY

APPENDIX I

TRADITIONS FOR COUPLES

APPENDIX II

SAMPLE MEETING FORMAT

COUPLES MEETING FORMAT