Do I Need To Not Get What I Want?
The question seems like such a simple inquiry. And the responses often given to it are also simple, such as: “You must not really want it because if you did, you’d work harder at getting it” – or – “You’re just not smart enough – creative enough -strong enough – whatever enough – to achieve what you say you want” -or -“You’re just too lazy and/or spoiled.”
Underneath all of the negative finger pointing at you is a very complex answer, starting with a simple truth: children need adults in order to survive. And in certain situations a child needs to meet and adapt to the dysfunctional needs of the adults in their world – at the expense of the child’s future. I call these adaptations survival systems, a way of being in the world that may have required your minimizing your inherent potential in order to survive your childhood environment.
These childhood messages of ways of being – or not being – get deeply internalized and have the power to continue to influence, impact and limit the rest of your life. In the world of survival adaptations, there is a major difference between a “need” and a “want.” Think of it this way: your body needs liquid in order to survive – your choice of what to drink is your want. An internalized belief of what you need to do in order to survive has enormous power to undermine, sabotage and neutralize all of your attempts to achieve your wants.
This is the essence of my book, The Light Side of the Moon: Reclaiming Your Lost Potential and will be the focus of my blogs that hopefully, you’ll be able to use in order to break free from hidden survival adaptations.