Within two weeks I am moving from the Blue Ridge Mountains to Kentucky where my children were raised and where I have four grandchildren growing up too fast. I am leaving the Al-Anon group where I have done my most substantial 12-Step work for the last four years. I have researched the Al-Anon groups in the area where I will be moving, and I hope to find the fellowship that set the foundation and for my recovery and the perspective to write this book.
I will also be living in close proximity to my adult offspring without whom I would not have set foot on this singular path. The last time we have lived this close together was before the worst downhill slide of my child’s addiction.
In Chapter 12, “Am I Okay Now?” I address the “Yes” and “No” aspects of recovery for parents. The question I am weighing lies beyond whether I am Okay or not. The real question is, “Just how big a girl am I now?” Can I refrain from asking questions that are not my business for which I long to know the answers, such as: “Are you dry now?” “Are you attending 12-step meetings?” “Are you working with your sponsor?” “Do you ‘get’ that you cannot drink at all, ever?”
Four years in recovery is not very long, no matter how substantial it may feel. I live with the possibility of relapse every day, just as my loved one must, and I discuss this in Chapter 12 as integral to recovery.
Can I, as a mother who utterly knows how to fix her adult child, resist the temptation to say and do those things that I am certain could smooth over and render whole the life that I watched addiction unravel? Can I just “Zip it!” and, if so, for how long?
Stay tuned, people, because I am about to find out as I step into new territory. While we can never recover all the ground we have lost with our children through their addiction, we can meet one another where we are and step forward together if we both stay on our side of the street, one step at a time.
I have two more Wednesday meetings with my group here, on this particular day I am stepping out to a meeting.
Bless. — Barbara Victoria
This blog was written by Barbara Victoria, author of the book, It’s Not About You, Except When It Is – A Field Manual for Parents of Addicted Children
